We have Two Ears and One Mouth, so that We can Listen Twice as Much as We Speak*

The above statement is a quote by Epictetus, a Greek philosopher who lived between 55 through 135 AD.  Of many illuminating statements he made, this one truly hit me home given that I too, at times, happen to ignore the same truth. Therefore, I decided to pick it up as the heading* of my article. In his discourses, he also stated "silence is better than speech" which also refers to the same thought process. Most of Epictetus' statements were jotted down by his pupil Arrian who studied under him. Arrian was also a Greek historian, philosopher and a most distinguished author of the 2nd-century Roman Empire.
 
All of us come across situations where we realize that listening, rather than speaking, would have done more good to us and what we said we probably shouldn't have.  Minda Zetlin in an Internet web page "Inc.," wrote an article titled, "7 Smart Reasons You Should Talk Less and Listen more" explaining "we do not do enough listening i.e., ‘real listening' where you focus on what the other person is saying and take it in, instead of planning the brilliant things you will say the moment the other person finishes speaking." Ironically, such mistakes are made not only by ordinary people but even the political leaders and heads of states sometimes end up in that trap.

Modern day example is offered almost daily by our President, whose tweets, although not spoken verbally, basically highlight the same point. Most of his time is spent in negating his own messages that stem from his earlier unneeded tweets. Imagine! If he would have merely cared to listen and observe what actually goes on around the world, instead of all what he says, he probably wouldn't have been in the mess he finds ourselves. Ironically, his behavior matches with a quote from Lau Tzu, the ancient Chinese philosopher who said "A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves." Peter Bregman restated this on May 15, 2015 in Harvard Business Review under the title, "If you want People to Listen, Stop Talking."

During election time, we are repeatedly exposed to several presidential debates. Each of the candidates feels that by talking more, he or she can prove he knows better. Audience, on the other hand knows that the one, who talks less and to the point, yet listens more, is the one respected and listened more. Watching debates on Indian TV Channels about political and social issues among groups, one is hard pressed to find even one speaker willing to listen. Everyone constantly interrupts without caring for the others to get a chance to respond back. Same kind of phenomenon is apparent here daily on the television channels among the political and social pundits.

Some fear that if they don't talk they might become invisible, therefore, see wisdom in talking too much hoping this might win the situation. Little do they realize that the person, who speaks less and only when he gets his chance, actually delivers pearls of wisdom. Keeping such information within serves them better, for after all scarcity matters and has its own value. In fact speaking half than the others may produce the same effect as the one who prolongs the conversation. May be that is why we have been blessed with two ears and one mouth that also has to share other bodily functions such as eating and breathing.

More you offer ‘unasked for' information through incessant talking, less valuable your product is going to be as the information furnished might be irrelevant. Talking is giving whereas listening is receiving and aren't we better of receiving than giving? Recently I came across a quote from Abraham Lincoln "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." It implies that speaking less might leave the impression that the speaker might not be well-informed; yet talking too much and over the limit certainly proves that one truly is. When one pays attention and listens to the others, one learns more and fund of knowledge increases.

Interrupting others to push your point in loudly and cutting others mid-sentence through incessant talk deprives one from listening to what is being said simply as the focus merely shifts to spurt out already established views and not to what is being asked. As such it leads to a failure in responding appropriately. Stephen R. Covey in his Book "The 7 habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change" mentions, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with an intent to reply."

Having frequently been in meetings with locally born and raised Americans, I have often noted that some immigrants do tend to talk more, in fact much more, albeit not so clearly or flawlessly. This might well be a phenomenon of hidden inferiority complex or else a pseudo-perception among speakers that they know better or more than the listeners and thus have something worthwhile to say or teach which unfortunately might not be the case. In doing so, they pay little or no heed to what the other person or party is saying. This is unfortunate for not only it leaves a bad taste in the listeners' mouth but it deprives them of the gift of due respect.

However, this does not in any way or shape imply that one should not respond and not use mouth at all. Here I am reminded of a long term colleague who would often keep quiet in meetings or even in social gatherings and not utter a word. One time, when asked to offer his opinion, his legs started to shake, voice became tremulous and he could not utter a word and thus had nothing to say; so much for being a good, rather a very sincere listener.
Providing time, turn and space to others to express their views while listening patiently and carefully with our God-given two ears and then responding back with precision through the one and only mouth we have, will certainly make us much more efficient and successful in life as well as a respectable member of the society.