“Kuchh toh Log Kahengay, Logon Kaa Kaam Hai Kehnaa”- These lines are from a song written by Anand Bakshi for one of the old Bollywood Movies, ‘Amar Prem’. The words do, indeed, contain an eternal truth about the nature of all the human beings everywhere. One may have one of the best intentions for any activity, including selfless service and may possess the best qualities, yet someone will always be there to criticize. Afterall, this is the way, human beings have been wired by the nature, perhaps, ever since mankind strolled on the face of this earth.
Said at a wrong point in time, it might do more harm than good to the person or persons towards who the statement is being directed and their future could turn upside down. It can hinder their progress, potential of growth and change their direction of life, and shatter their dreams. Emotional upheaval could leave the victims with an idea as if something were truly wrong with their persona. Taking away their focus from the individuals and instead of improving the quality of life, the recipients may end up in believing in what is being said.
Ex-pats from Indian subcontinent i.e., especially Non-resident Indians (NRI), or other Southeast Asians, born and raised elsewhere and later settled in the Western world, obviously are negatively affected with such comments by the locals. The brown color or race of South Asians puts them in a totally different mode, for they are neither considered white, nor off-white like the Latin Americans, and also do not have an African ancestry, the major minority groups in U.S. On top, adding foreign accent to their skin, puts them in a poor spotlight. As soon as one starts to speak with an accent, it becomes apparent to the audience and to the speaker that the attention is not being paid towards him or her, irrespective of one’s position in the ladder of their professional hierarchy. Speech of a person with an accent truly interferes with the progress of the professional career or otherwise, as result of the inferiority complex. Even the smartest individual in the group might not be as much successful as otherwise. Even before one opens the mouth, self-awareness along with anxiety takes over and the performance goes down. This reality is well-known to every professional from countries like India.
We all are aware of good number of highly placed professionals in their fields who failed to cross the final hurdles to reach the top primarily caused by their accent. Once, a chief of a department in a hospital with impeccable topmost professional qualifications, was asked to speak to a large group of people. Being too shy and with limited speaking capabilities, especially in a large gathering, his legs began to shake preventing him to utter a word. His response later was that the thought of “what will people say?” entered into his mind right when he was ready to speak. It caused a burst of anxiety attack with resultant lack of attention as to what he was supposed to say leading to blank out. This is not too uncommon among the speakers. Instead, if the speaker were to focus on positivity that there must be something better and superior in him than others and that is why he is here on the stage, and others are down there. This realization provides a peace of mind to the speaker making him or her realize that the negativity must be ignored.
All of us do face and will face negative comments, totally unbecoming, without regard to the situation, without any rhyme or reason, meant only to put the speaker down at some stage. People generally say things about others that should not have been said. More a person climbs the ladder to achieves the pinnacle of success in one’s professional glory, more sufferings, including negative comments, will have to be endured, not only physically but emotionally too. Little, if any thought is ever put into it as to how it will affect the listener, especially if it happens to be a woman. If one were to pay attention to each and everything that is said, life will become truly miserable to survive.
The second half of the line 'Logon kaa Kaam hai Kehna' or 'people's habit is to blabbermouth’, does indeed provide the answer. To live a wholesome and full-fledged life, one must develop a mentality much akin to a thick oily skin that does not let anything stick to it. Likewise, negative comments must not be allowed to internalize. One must speak with a conviction and self-confidence. One doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone as there always will be people criticizing and not agreeing. Strong in mind and strong in body should always be the motto in this hard-hitting world. Having a Will and emotional strength to take a stern stand will prove harmless no matter what is being thrown upon you.
Most of us are in the habit of taking care of the issues at hand through immediate intervention. We want to set things right by making sure that nobody can criticize us. Some may believe that habits of criticizing and making comments about others cannot change and perhaps, they do not. But there are people who think otherwise, suggesting that habits can be modified during young age provided one is willing to accept it as a problem, and start learning how to ignore unpleasant comments.
The bottom line is that life must flow like water in a canal. Hurdles brought about by negative comments from people will show up here and there en-route, but they can be washed away or wither away themselves. This can only happen if obnoxious comments are left ignored or paid little or no attention. Strong personal strength in cultivating a deep sense of who you are and what you represent while at the same time not getting bothered by such comments, and not worrying about social disapproval is the golden key to open the lock to a successful life. Let the dirty oil and grease of silly comments not stick upon your body. Faith in itself is what counts and that is the need of the hour.
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