This New Year find out what makes you unique!Jan 3(AZINS) Welcome to 2016! Sweet ’16. Super ’16. Bringing with it a year replete with potential. Maybe we should begin by thinking what we wish to create. I am not talking New Year resolutions here. A question you might want to ask is what we can do to make 2016 an orbit changing year in our lives. An epoch-making year, when we crafted something in our identities.

But where is the 'Je ne sais quoi'?

Literally translated, it means “I don’t know what”. It is a French usage that connotes a quality that cannot be easily described, that makes one distinctive.

I switch on the television. I cannot distinguish between ads for an automobile or housing website. I could not figure out the difference between any of the news channels, general or business. All the entertainment channels look the same to me (sorry folks, maybe it's me but they really do). It looks like a commodity product. I guess there is a fine line dividing standardisation and commoditisation. They lack a certain je ne sais quoi. Some of the TV newsreaders of the ‘80s had a certain je ne sais quoi.

It is the same at our workplace. When we interview candidates, at the end of the day, it's all a blur. Every candidate looked the same. When we would send out Request For Proposals for a service, every company proposal would look the same. However, I came across a few folks, who exuded that je ne sais quoi. They challenged my thinking. They made me look at my productivity solution in a very different way.

Over the weekend, I was called to make a presentation at a very large bank. All the employees there looked the same. The cubicles had that sameness.

Last night I walked into a restaurant with my family. Someone in the neighbouring group mentioned, “Gosh! are we all dressed in black?" It was true, but not just for that group. A lot of us were in nearly the same kind of clothes. We spoke in a similar accent and had similar mannerisms. We looked equally bored waiting for our tables.

We were looking for something that was “je ne sais quoi”.
That got me thinking. Has the need to converge into standardisation led us to become human version commodities?
When I looked around, a lady in a bright multi-patterned dress with a smile that light up the restaurant stood out. She had that je ne sais quoi. The maitre’d stood out, with his impeccable sense of calm. Some of the waiters stood out for their charm, poise and competence. Even within a strict framework, you could stand out and make a difference.

The music, food  and drinks were what is available in every other restaurant. But when combined, it created that je ne sais quois, which is why we keep going back.

Today in the morning I switched on the television to watch the Australia–West Indies cricket match, and as I was watching the bowlers start their markup, each of their personalities and contribution stood out.

I switch on Downton Abbey, The Good Wife, Seinfeld and The Big Bang Theory, gosh, some of the characters really stood out. The Dowager Countess for her guile and zest. Kalinda Sharma for her leather and toughness. Sheldon Cooper and Cosmo Kramer for their simple outrageousness. They were distinct with their strengths, values, beliefs and convictions. We love them for the eccentricities. We watch them again and again and again.

We all want to be distinct.

Deep down nobody likes to be told they are the same as everyone else. Everyone I meet has a deep desire to be distinct. However, they find it difficult to create a persona that is distinct.

Before we try and attempt that question, let us explore why is it important to you in your professional and personal life.

When I go out to “sell” my clients want to see, what makes me distinctive.Why should they invest serious $$$ on my programmes.

Je ne sais quoi at the workplace: Recruiters will tell you that they are looking for that special candidate. When you go for an interview, you are selling yourself. Why should the interviewer pick you? If you speak the same language as everyone else, why would they select you? If you wish to claim a higher salary, they have to be given a very good reason to pay you more. Otherwise, you will get paid as everyone else.

When you wish to be a part of a project team, you are making a projection of your skills, competencies and contribution. There are hundreds of people within to company to pick from, why would they pick you?

Je ne sais quoi of falling in love: Remember when you fell in love. There was a reason why you picked that one particular person. There was a certain je ne sais quoi. Why would one pick you as their partner for life? They should be convinced that your are "THE ONE". That answer is in the je ne sais quoi. Sometimes we look at this super hot woman and we ask, what is she doing with that man; the answer is in the je ne sais quoi.

There are five routes to finding that truly unique identifier.

First, our adversities make us unique.

Everyone faces adversities. Adversities that makes us question if there is a God or make us ask "why me?" They way you decide on moving beyond your adversities decides who you are. The battles you pick to fight define your identity.

Let me go back to October 1984. I used to always wonder why I had long hair, which was a real pain to keep them neat and orderly. As the Sikh riots unfolded, stories of the victims came forth, I found a new meaning in my turban. Even though we were safe in Bombay, I found it gave me an identity.

Mine was tiny. People have suffered cancer and lost loved ones to cancer. People have lost limbs in mindless accidents and violence. Forces of nature have immeasurably disrupted entire cities. People have lost jobs and investments. People have lost fortunes due to a poor investment or being cheated.

So think about the stories about the adversities and how they are overcome.

Second, our friends and social connections make us unique.

All my friends come from the corporate sector. I love the pursuit of productivity and businesses.

The second group of people I love is teachers. My family is filled with teachers. I love watching TED talks by professors of Psychology and the study of human flourishing. I take courses, read books, interact with them through social media.

I know folks who go on trekking and photography trips with random strangers. I know corporate honchos who are musicians and playwrights. It forms a part of their je ne sais quoi.

Mind you, it is the depth of the connectedness that matters, not the number.

So look around. Who do you spend time with? Who are your role models? What are you learning from them? What are you teaching them?

Third, our goals and values make us unique.

Our everyday actions reflect the true priority and happiness. We may or may not have stated goals, but our minds direct us towards deliberate action. If health is a priority and closely held value, your mind might probably select a fruit over cookies. When we spend more and more time at work or loved ones, it could mean we are working towards securing their future. When we try and outsmart competitors it is a reflection of our ambition and aspiration.

Do you seek goals, which are around security, conformity and tradition or more towards pleasure, excitement and adventure? Does it make sense to pursue success and ambition for yourself or do you work towards benevolence and social justice directed at others? Do you seek tradition over creativity and freedom?

Some of these questions give you a flavour of the possibility that might emerge.

Fourth, our strengths and the beliefs in our strengths make us unique

The strengths and beliefs that you developed while facing your adversity define you. When you faced the death of a loved one, what strengths saw you through? When you were on the verge of being sacked, how did you work your way around your obstacles?
I must note for you, people are attracted to you for your strength because within that choice they fully accept your weakness.

It helps to clearly identify your strengths and work on using them appropriately.

Now the idea is to build a unique brand of the combination of your strengths.

Fifth: Ultimately our choices make us unique.

Why is making a choice so tough?

When I begin my work with clients, they shy away. Many refuse to even acknowledge their own strengths. The natural focus of energy is only on repairing the shortcomings. I once had a very confident and caring lawyer who came to me with a self-defined problem of low self-esteem, without even knowing what self-esteem was. She acknowledged her strengths, her capabilities, her competence, her social connectedness, her zest and engagement at work, her achievements and future goals, how she supported her family. However, the self-inflicted label of low esteem was her starting point. Fascinating.

Sometimes, they want to be everything to everyone. That can really be overwhelming. They seem to be living lives for everyone else and pursuing goals to please someone else. Therefore making that unique choice becomes difficult.

Finally, many people do not have time to develop their own unique brand.
It is about making a choice about who we are and who we want to be. Then it is about giving into the choice.

Once your goals, beliefs and values are in harmony, that creates this unique je ne sais quoi.

Think of your role models. What makes them so fascinating? You will notice exactly that they have made those choices. They must have been scared.

Think of Sachin Tendulkar when he gave up going to college and a normal education. How scary would that be? Even Rahul Yadav of the housing.com fame he has a je ne sais quoi.

Think of the so-called spoilt millennial kids. They leave their homes in Bihar, Manipur, Madhya Pradesh to live in expensive, unknown and even unsafe cities. How scary but committed are they? Talk to them about their stories. They are a potent dose of inspiration.

Twenty-year-olds adventuring into startups, instead of steady jobs. What a choice to make! Wisdom or foolishness, we do not know. They will be intellectually richer. A few will be financially richer too.

Our adversities, social connectedness, goals and values, strengths and self-beliefs, are all headed towards a heady concoction.

There is a potent and restless je ne sais quoi inside you, let it exhale.

The author is the Founder of The Positivity Company. Last week he found out he makes people more positive so that they are more productive. This week he is going to find his je ne sais quoi. Birender can be reached on [email protected].